A lost phone and the hidden reality of the celebrity class.
I can’t believe anyone would work under these conditions.
It’s never easy to lose someone we love.
Having just woken up from the stupor of St. Patricks Day, a whole four days after the fact, it appears that operation “Get Drunk. Start Fights. Be Awesome!” was a resounding success. However it also appears that, like most of my ill conceived schemes, apologies are in order. With that in mind. To the owners [...]
“One of the penalties of refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.” ― Plato
It was the best of times. It was the end of times.
After careful analysis it appears that everything is not all rose pedals and hover boards in good ol’ Hill Valley
Maybe Charlie Sheen isn’t as crazy as we all think he is.
The only way to get the answers you need is to incapacitate your subject and then terrorize them with your own ineptitude.
It wants to help you be a better driver. Then when you’re not looking it’s going to steal your soul.
My Dearest Internet, I know I’ve been away a long time baby and I’m sorry. I know I promised you weekly content and that while I’ve been gone guys like Ellis Rodriguez have been uploading funny videos and that damn Rob Kroese has been out there peddling his funny books again while nary a dick [...]
What do you get when mix a public park, a child’s party, a body bag and four idiots with a camera?
A new feature for the site! This raises all sorts of questions about what my friends and I with our free time.
They say that “life” is what happens when you’re busy making other plans…or, apparently, when you’re trying to write dick jokes.
A little while before my son was born a friend of mine told me, “Good parents will learn as much from their children as the children learn from them.” Initially I thought that this statement was meant to cause me to reflect on the impermanence of life and to cherish learning to see the world [...]
Things I shouldn’t be trusted to name: Boats, Weapons, Children and Your Parents.
Sometimes it is necessary to layout plans if one is intent on taking over the world.
Every Tuesday – give or take – you can now catch my new column over at The Hollywood Shootout called DVD Crap Shoot.
It’s only when we learn that they can move on their own that we start hiding our cool stuff…and booze.
My response to the realities of the iPad.
Sometimes, in order to get a sneak peek of something, you have to do horrible things.
The Oughts have been a decade of disappointment for those of us that grew up in the shadow of the 21st century.
It’s like watching a blender made of people and swords filled with more people with swords.
Following these lessons the world will be a way better – and WAY AWESOMER – place.
As my two week tenure at You Served has been extended I have a new post up today discussing the merits of how being in the military is like raising an infant. Go ahead and check that bad boy out.
It’s moments like this that make me realize that,usually, I’m only funny to me.
My third guest post is up over at You Served. This time I discuss using conspiracy theories to get out of deploying.
This is the one where I show Congress how to make a REAL terror alert graphic that the public can understand.
First article up at VAMortgagecenter.com – wherein I wax poetically about military-bloggers and try to pretend I’m a tough guy.
Come for the political talk. Stay for the boobies.
Welcome to Whiskeyforbreakfast.com – a websitefull of dick jokes, stories of a new father and a man who loves all things “inappropriate”.
Ah nostalgia…how you make me feel so old.
I swear, Megan Fox, that I won’t call out Autobot names during our sexcapades.
Hey Superman; suck my balls.
It’s official. Mother Nature is out to god damned get you.
If you’re a chef…just go ahead and quit…right now.
It’s time to say goodbye to the end of an era.
This is more important than all of us. This is about equality for everyone.
Ladies and gentlemen: Sacramento’s own, Sacred City Derby Girls!!!
If Wanted were an ice cream flavor; it would be disappointment.
More video of stand up comedy.
First times are always awkward. And sometimes followed by laughter.
Reading this could very well save your life.
Why hello there Iron Man. Why yes I would like some robotic kick ass for dessert.
Your Prius isn’t going to save the world, so shut the fuck up!
Fellas, I think you should pay close attention to this one.
A letter to Santa from my attorney. This shit be serious!
I’ll teach you how to navigate the corporate gift giving world.
It’s always good to have some one to look up to.
Think of me as Dear Abbey with sociopathic tendencies.
When hard times get you down only true companionship can bring you back up.
Let the light shine brightly on my life for I have seen – and now reviewed – TRANSFORMERS!!
After getting my hands on an I-Phone I discovered the secret features that Steve Jobs never told you about.
It’s inevitable that Paris Hilton is going to jail but if she follows my advice she’ll do fine.
I’d like to take a moment to piss all over the comic strip institution that is Family Circus.
When dealing with geeks in ones everyday life, one should understand all of their various shapes, sizes and affectations.
Need a last minute Valentines Day card for that someone special, or not so special? I’m just spreading the love.
With OJ Simpson’s tell all book being cancelled some friends sent me other choice titles from celebrities that you’ll be seeing on bookshelves in the near future.
My drinking games are the best there are. Try ‘em. You’ll Like ‘em.
Warner Bros. must hate me, that’s the only way to explain releasing this movie.
The conclusion to the very first Las Vegas trip saga…complete with yellow cab Larry!
Part One of the story about the first time I went to Las Vegas. It’s a little bit long but well worth it.
I’m no closet case about my love for pro-wrestling but a lot of people have asked why. So here’s the reasons why I like pro-wrestling more than every other sport.
With the summer concert season in full swing, my army of robots will help weed out the ones you shouldn’t see.
The Olympics suck, but they wouldn’t if I were in charge.
I’m here to help people. But mostly I’m here to keep myself out of trouble.
I finally got around to writing my letter to Santa. But I still didn’t get what I asked for. The Prick
The heartwarming story of ME, but if I were in charge of everything.
The return of my White Rapper alter-ego MAN-AZE
My Conversation with George Lucas about Revenge of The Sith.
And how he shaped my dreams of the future.
A review of one of the greatest movies ever. If you love robots that is. And if you don’t? Then you probably have no soul.