No on Prop 8

Californian’s, it’s time for voting, so pay fucking attention.

First of all I don’t write about politics very often because, along with being a polarizing topic, I typically just don’t care.  I don’t give a shit who you vote for for president because no matter which pin head you people decide to put into office; we’re fucked.

McCain is a fear-mongering war vet, and putting him in charge is like asking a zombie to be responsible while watching over a fresh brains buffet.  Also, I’m pretty sure that he’s a cyborg who doesn’t understand human emotion.

Obama is an inexperienced socialist, and putting him in charge is like asking Pippy Longstocking to be in command of an aircraft carrier.  Also, I’m pretty sure that he’ll sell out this country like a snitchy little prison bitch.

But I’m not here to tell you how fuck the future of this nation.  We’re far beyond that point.  I’m here to convince you to vote no on Prop. 8 in California.  First off I’m not voting no on Prop 8 because I care about gay marriage (and stick with me on this one for a little bit, gay people); certainly, I AM voting NO on Prop 8; but not because of the issue of homosexuals tying the knot.  I do believe that gay people have the right to get married; it just doesn’t affect me personally.  And, honestly, if you’re not a dude who’s going to marry another dude, then why should you give a shit?

Honestly, why?

It’s not like all of a sudden, for each and every gay marriage performed, an equal amount of straight marriages must be dissolved. Shit just doesn’t work that way.

First of all; the idea that “gay marriage” is going to ruin straight marriage is about as sober of an idea as thinking that all children who play Pokemon will grow up to enslave small animals and pit them in fights to the death.  The divorce rate for heterosexual couples is 50%.  Unless straight couples start murdering each other on their wedding night, I’m not sure that straight marriage can get much more fucked.  And at least gay couples can’t have babies in order to try and trap people into failed relationships.  Something that I’ve seen happen on more than one occasion with heterosexual couples.

The real reason that I’m voting no on Prop 8, and the same reason that you should, is the absolutely terrifying precedent that this proposition will set.  If this proposition passes, it establishes two things that not only scare the shit out of me, but it makes me violently, shit my pants, sick.  This proposition establishes that not only can the government legislate what two consenting adults can and can not do, it also establishes a moral barometer for the country.  And if you don’t read that statement and get midget punchingly angry then you’re an abject fucking idiot.

First of all, the government has absolutely no right to govern what I do in my private life – within certain limitations, of course.  If the actions of my private life start to infringe upon the rights of others then I’m in violation of the constitution.  But I must make the point that not being offended isn’t a right.  For example: below is a picture of two dudes kissing.  It might offend some of you but the only thing – and keep this shit in mind  – the absolute only thing you can do to not be offended by this is to not look at it.  That’s it.

And, just for balance…

Here’s the deal; what two consenting adults decide to do, as long as they are not violating the constitutional rights of others, is their own personal business.   And it should remain that way.  If I decide that I want to spend an evening getting retarded drunk and having butt sex, the only way you get to have a say in that is if I decide to do it in YOUR house or in public.  At no point in time should the government step in and try to prevent me from having butt sex.  It’s not their fucking decision.  Hell, if you want to take it one step further, as long as I’m doing it in the privacy of my home (and my decisions don’t directly affect the the rights of another) then the government should have no say.  If you’re not really on board with that idea, let’s use the example of the government trying to legislate the consumption of alcohol; and we all saw how good legislating drinking turned out.

But that’s exactly where we are heading if Prop 8 passes. Prop 8 basically says that even if there are two consenting adults, who are completely capable of making their own decisions, who want to engage in an event that has ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING ON ANYONE ELSE, the government can step in and shake it’s bony, school marm finger in their face and say, “Nuh-Uh, faggots, everyone else can make their own decisions, but you can’t.”

In taking this argument down the slippery slope that seems to be so very popular these days;  at what point does the government decide that they’ve reached the demarcation point of interfering with my personal life?  Does it stop at telling people who they can marry?  Maybe we start looking into what people are watching on television?  Maybe we should keep ideas that would be disingenuous to the government away from people.  Hell, we could probably do that by burning any books that contain those ideas.  At what point do we stop looking at George Orwell’s 1984 as a cautionary tale, and start looking at it as a guideline for quelling public insurgency?

Have I started getting through yet?

The other frightening precedent this proposition sets, above and beyond anything else, is that it sets a firm and magnetic north for the moral compass of this country.  And that’s utter bullshit.

Morals are a very subjective. Morality isn’t something that you can legislate because not everyone believes the same thing.  Let’s start with a basic example.  Even if we could all agree on the very basic fact that what two people do behind closed doors, out of the view of the public eye, without involving anyone other than the two aforementioned consenting adults, is all good: you would still have people who would state that prostitution is morally offensive.  Why?  It abides by that very same rule that we all agreed upon.  But even then, with that rule so plainly defined, you’re going to have people who argue the point that it doesn’t fit their particular view of that rule that we all agreed upon.

The morals that you are using as a definition for trying to get this law passed are based upon a religious pretext.  Lest I remind you that this great divide between all of these bullshit religions is what has caused almost every major war in the history of mankind.  If this proposition manages to squeak through we are officially defining the moral compass of this supposedly free nation on the ethics of a biblical tome that was written thousands of years ago.  If we take the last leap off of sanity cliff and officially define the bible as the moral center of this nation then we are establishing that we can, at any given point, go back to this historical document for literal guidance for governing this nation. Here are some things that are written in the bible as law:

If a priest’s daughter is a whore, she is to be burnt at the stake.  (Leviticus 21:9) (good bye strip clubs, the perpetual half way home for the emotionally stunted preachers kid)

If anyone, even your own family suggests worshipping another God, kill them. (Deuteronomy 13:6-10)

Psychics, wizards, and so on are to be stoned to death.  (Leviticus 20:27) Run and hide Harry, forget Valdemort, the Christians are coming to get you.

“When men fight with one another, and the wife of the one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, then you shall cut off her hand.” — Deuteronomy 25:11-12 – That’s right.  If you’re getting the shit kicked out of you and your wife steps in to save your ass by grabbing the grapes of the dude who’s kicking your teeth in, your reasonable and biblical response should not be to high five her and say, “Good tag team effort honey.” – you’re supposed to cut her fucking hand off.

This is the book you want to define the laws of America in the 21st century?  You people are fucking insane!

Lastly I want to address the propaganda ads that have been running here in this state.  Some of the most confused, ass backwards, misinformed advertising I’ve ever heard on the radio.

The first ad I heard was one that threatened that if Prop 8 doesn’t pass then,”…churches will lose their tax exempt status.” Fucking Good.  Why do churches deserve tax exempt status?  I have to pay taxes when I drink.  I have to pay taxes when I smoke cigars.  If I go to a titty bar I have to pay taxes in the form of tips just so I can enjoy the luxury of having fake tits in my face.  All of my vices are taxed; so why shouldn’t yours be?  Religion and Jesus are as much of a vice as my drinking and predilection for tits.  Vices are the things that you are addicted to that make it possible for you to weather the storm of every day.  You choose Jesus, I choose strippers and booze.

Only difference being that no one ever went on a genocidal rampage to please a titty dancer.

Also, I can prove the existence of all my vices.  I’m not the dumb ass who’s paying for a lap dancer that never actually shows up… no matter how much I believe she will.

Another ad I heard talked about acceptance of the gay lifestyle being mandatory.  Like your Jesus shit hasn’t forced upon me for the last thirty years like a late night pitch man that just won’t go away. And, honestly, if we’re going to look at a concept being forced on people let’s look at marriage itself – a concept that is very nebulous in definition.  If the concept of marriage, in and of itself a religious concept, had not been forced on the entire populace – then no one would be demanding wide range acceptance of it.  Think about it; if marriage hadn’t been forced upon the populace of EVERYONE, then no one would demand a different kind of marriage be accepted.   Due to your years of proselytizing and demanding that everyone accept marriage as the epitome of a relationship your doctrine has finally seeped into the American consciousness.  Even the gay consciousness.  That’s right Christians, you fucked yourselves on this one.

At least the gays don’t come knocking on my door at 8am on a Saturday morning trying to sell on me on the idea of sucking dick.

The government’s job is to govern on behalf of the people, not to moralize on behalf of some whiny cunts who can’t accept that shit has changed since they were young.  I don’t know if you folks are aware, but Negroes and The Womens can vote and own property now.  A statement like that seems pretty normal but it was only 92 years ago when women first got the vote; and a mere 54 years ago when we ended segregation.  Looking back at those times; isn’t the idea of gay marriage something that we’re going look back upon in two generations with a grimace?  Do we not have a chance to be the generation that ends one more itteration of intolerance and religious persecution?

Here’s the bottom line: I am a happy and secure married man. I have gay friends and the idea of them getting married has absolutely no bearing on my marriage.  I have gay friends and relatives who are married and their new found “status” as a married couple has done nothing to diminish my status as a married person… and it never fucking will.  The only thing this proposition’s supporters are doing is standing behind a religious edict in order to persecute yet other group of people.

I’ll close this thing out with two sincere statements.

1. I am all of the following: an asshole, a prick, politically incorrect, completely insensitive and I typically don’t give a shit about the feelings or emotions of others…and even I think that this is a short sighted attempt by a tyrannical government to oppress yet another group of people by invoking the name of Jesus.

2. “It would be really nice if we could live in a country that didn’t try to use religion to oppress people from living their own lives,” My Wife.

If anyone happens to know of a country that represents the ideals of being free from religious persecution – and you happen to have a spare Sea Fairing vessel – let me know so that we leave these puritanical pricks and start our continent..except without all that killing of the indigenous peoples.

Now get the fuck out and vote.  This means more than me and you.



There Are 15 Responses So Far. »

  1. YOU FUCKING HIT EVERYTHING RIGHT ON, CAPS ARE NECESSARY!! My parents are pulling that shit. Catholics…ahh!!! You just can’t reason with them. They are awesome and all that, but holy fuck, WAKE UP! They grew up in the 60’s. granted it was in Wisconsin. Still you would think they would learn. Anyway NICE MAN!!!!

  2. Travis, we have a similar prop coming up here in Arizona. I’m a gun toting, meat eating, conservative. Although the foundation for the parties (both parties) have been raped and distorted over time. We have a similar prop here in Arizona coming up. I think it’s bullshit to try to govern shit based on the bible; and the country seems to be doing that more and more. Not only am I for gays getting married, I’m for gays being allowed to adopt kids. Not only should they be allowed, they should be forced to. Let them suffer along with the rest of us – marriage – kids – Yeah, that sounds about right! Nice article by the way, it had some great points. As always, keep up the good work man.

    …McCain a zombie, Obama Pippy Longstocking, it’s more likely than you may think!

  3. Hmmm, stated the same thing twice… need to cut bad (or dramatically increase) the drinking.

  4. While I agree with you (being libertarian and all, I HATE government interference in ANYTHING), I do have to correct you in that LEGALLY allowing gay marriages does affect other people. Requiring businesses to provide insurance or FMLA or any other number of benefits to “married” people and then redefining marriages has an effect, especially on small businesses.

    But yeah, I’m with you on this. We already dealt with it in the form of an amendment that “defines a marriage as between a man and a woman.” I think it passed. *sigh* Like somehow, man-woman marriages are better….holy crap, I’ve seen some ugly ones and if they’re gonna do laws, they should outlaw stupid people from marrying each other, but that’s just my opinion.

  5. Elvis can marry a nude couple in a bowling alley and that is a reconized marriage. But if Tom and Steve get married it is has to be reconized as a union?

    Prop 8 is proof that the Church and State are never seperate.

  6. Great article – I agree wholeheartedly! (Although I still think that Jesus picture is the most horrible photo you’ve done yet… eek.)

    “You can drink out of THIS drinking fountain, but not OUR drinking fountain…” “You can have a UNION, but you can’t call it MARRIAGE…”
    Does no one else see the correlation??? This country is evolving and changing. There was a time when it was illegal for a white person to marry a black person. There was a time when women couldn’t vote. These regulations might never have changed without a group of people rising up and helping this country to change – no evolution of this country’s laws was ever unanimous.

    Someday, we’re going to look back on this like segregation. What side are you going to be on?

  7. I’m going to ignore the fact that you played fast and loose with the religious aspect because, well, many of my fellow Christians are playing fast and loose with the facts surrounding this proposition. In fact, I’m just going to pretend that I and many of my fellow Catholics didn’t just get lumped in with a bunch of nutjobs who are trying to pass Prop 8 on the basis of “religious freedom”. ( No joke. There was actually some jackass near the carpool exit at my kid’s school this morning with a HUGE “Yes on 8” sign the size of Kansas with a quote at the bottom that said “For religious freedom”. Um, come again? Religious freedom? Really? Wait, wait, wait… so we get to enjoy religious freedom so long as it’s their religion, right? Kind of like Henry Ford telling people they can have the Model T in any color they want, so long as it’s black.)

    Anyway. I’m with you on this one. I am not and never will be an activist type but I am growing increasingly concerned about the gestapo-like attitude of certain people who seem to think that their sole purpose in life is to play babysitter to consenting adults. People at my church are typically divided 50/50 on this issue and I’m always confounded by my fellow Catholics who are eager to invoke governmental power to enforce their beliefs because – correct me if I’m wrong – that tactic hasn’t worked out too well for us since the great schism. In fact, since the Middle Ages almost every massive governmental attempt to foist religion on the masses was specifically with the displacement of the Catholic Church in mind. So yeah, I get a little itchy around the collar whenever I hear someone in this country talking about using their brand of religion as a measuring rod by which to legislate. It gives me a sinking feeling that someone’s about to go all Northern Ireland on me.

    Oh, and another thing that bugs me about the religious perspective of the “Yes on 8” people: since free will is such an essential part of Christian philosophy, how does forcing someone to adhere to your religious principles really glorify God? If a man is free to choose and chooses right then he can be commended on being of excellent character. If a man is forced by law to choose only one path then you will never know his true character since his actions were dictated by the state. The “good character” of a man who is heavily regulated is meaningless.

    And two other things:

    #1 – Churches enjoy a tax-exempt status because of the charitable contributions made to the communities in which they are established. For instance, my church runs several homeless shelters, soup kitchens, a battered women’s shelter, etc. The tax-exempt status is derived from the charitable aspect and not from any perceived spiritual contribution. Many churches are running afoul of this status however by endorsing specific political positions – a violation of that status.

    #2 – No war has ever been truly fought for religion. While it’s true that some have gone to war under the name of religion and the lesser foot-soldiers fighting may have truly believed in the religious cause, wars are waged for material gain and religion is simply an incidental vehicle by which the leaders whip the masses into a righteous frenzy. The Crusades, for instance, were fought primarily because bored French nobles were raising hell all over Europe so the Pope devised a plan by which to keep them occupied and away from the peasantry. It was not so much a religious conquest as an adult version of “go outside and play”.

    Fuck I’m long-winded. Sorry. Someone shut me up! Anyway. Good post Travis and I’m with you 100% on this one. Well, minus the all-Christians-are-delusional-assholes part.

  8. Travis, my old friend…I have never been more proud of you ever! BRAVO! You are so right and I am sick to tears of the bigot assholes trying to pass their Religion into law.

    Enough is enough California….next stop…the country!

  9. This was very well put… apparently I need to find something else to do with my Saturdays…

    “because At least the gays don’t coming knocking on my door at 8am on a Saturday morning trying to sell on me on the idea of sucking dick.”

    I must have missed your house LOL

  10. C’mon up to Canada. I don’t give a shit who you marry.

  11. I was having a similar voice in my head to the one The Wife seems to have heard. “Seperate but Equal” didn’t seem so legal for the racial argument.

    And the Obama/McCain joke cracked me up.

  12. Great article. I surprised a lot of old church friends when I took a stand on this issue, they don’t seem to understand that the government cannot protect their right (to object to homosexuality on a moral basis) by taking away some one else’s right (to be gay and equal to everybody else.) The government can’t and should not ever prevent either side from having a point of view, and raising their children according to their values. But I believe that the government is obligated to serve the people by leveling the playing field for everybody. Protecting marriage? Give me a break, if you wanted to protect marriage, then how about you outlaw divorce! Fucking douchebags.

  13. Travis,it is time to start a cult and call it a religion. We will charge a monthly fee with automatic re-occuring billing and offer upsells.If we have to give hand jobs to the homeless for a tax write-off,so be it . Call me,I don’t have your phone #.

  14. This is about 3 months late, but this article inspired me to write my scholarship essay arguing for the legality of same sex marriages. Thank you!

  15. What is marriage? Is it just filing a document with the government registering your love? What the fuck is that?
    Gay people can already be in love, live together, share all their bills, be on their spouse’s health insurance, etc, etc, so why are they so up in arms about filing a document?
    It’s not about marriage, it’s about forcing acceptance.
    The issue is more about one group of people trying to force everyone else to think of them in a way we wouldn’t naturally.

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