George Bush’ Exit Interview

As the Bush era of White House occupancy draws nigh; and the media and masses are awash in the sweet, yet tangy, juices of hope and change promised by President Elect Obama; it seems to me that a certain someone is being left out of the media frenzy. And that someone, my friends, is President George W. “Hammer Cock” Bush.

I think it’s wrong of the media to turn its collective back on President Hammer Cock so swiftly. The “OMGIWON” poop hasn’t even dried in Obama’s soon to be Presidential Y-fronts and we’re already putting Bush out to pasture as if he’s nothing but a foot note. Well I think that doing so is irresponsible on both the press and the public’s behalf.

President Bush was a very busy man throughout the first seven years of his presidency. He wasn’t just some shiftless lay about who killed time in the oval office playing “Hey guess what my finger smells like today?” He spent his time cementing his legacy as one of the most memorable President’s this country has ever had. From his frat-boy like cavalier attitude to his downs syndrome mastery of the art of public speaking; from his heavy handed treatment of public and foreign policy to his Houdini level mastery of misdirection and subterfuge. All the way down to his big brass balls – which he let swing like a pendulum from Big Ben while he sat in his Dr. Claw-like chair, twisting his evil mustache and cackling maniacally. The man was getting shit done! That “shit” he was getting done might have been acting like a malevolent retard… but fuck me if he wasn’t doing SOMETHING.

But in the last year of his reign he stopped giving a shit about setting foreign policy and started living is up like the last hillbilly at a barnyard kegger.  He made appearances on American Idol, was a corpse on one episode of CSI, spent three days doing nothing but playing minesweeper, and finally bought season passes to Lego Land (what can I say, the man absolutely LOOOOVES shit made out of plastic bricks). Hell; he even saved his daughter’s wedding for the last year of his term just so he’d have something to do. Essentially he played the perfect lame duck Commander in Chief and phoned in the Presidency like a hungover DJ after a marathon night of strippers and blow.  Good for him. Honestly, after running the country for seven years he deserves some down time. The man was being worked to death.

They say being President for four years ages you twenty.  That’s five years of aging for every one year as President (back me up here math majors) . Don’t believe me?  Take a look at this before and after picture of George bush.

This motherfucker deserves a break.

Being President ages you in the same awful way that  deeply satisfying crack addiction does. That’s not blatant conjecture and hyperbole. Take a look at this picture.

The Crack; she is a sweet whore mistress

Sadly with this as our scientific basis we can only postulate what kind of horrors are awaiting President Elect Barack Obama.

Being President’s A Bitch

But with all of the attention being diverted away from my friend I thought it only fair that someone talk to him about what his plans are for the future. 

Truly, it’s the end of an era.

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There Are 11 Responses So Far. »

  1. We should totally take him on one of our drunken walks.

  2. […] HowToKillPeople.com » Blog Archive » George Bush’ Exit Interview They say being President for four years ages you twenty. That’s five years of aging for every one year as President (back me up here math majors) . Don’t believe me? Take a look at this before and after picture of George bush. … […]

  3. At first I thought you wrote one of our romantic walks….and I wanted to inform you that we don’t talk about those outside of the confines of those walks.

  4. WHAT!!!!! The FUCK!~!!!!

  5. How retarded does it make me that your IM chats with Dubya make me laugh until I cry?

  6. You are still the man.
    You make me laugh till it hurts

  7. Love muffins, Don’t worry we’re good. I can always do the book thing. Hey, your like marriage and like father thing isn’t going to mess up our wednesday night massage is it? well… I’ll e-mail…. chat at you love-kins…

    Have you seen Bills hair? OMG!!! total gray. I died, I tell you!

  8. Bush last words on his exit speech – “Screw you guys..I am going home.” Hats of to this Sith Lord Bush.

  9. oh, fuck me.

  10. moderating me comments? oh, fuck you.

  11. don’t get all pissy about it. well, then: fuck us all.

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