It’s no big secret that I’m not a fan of superman. But a lot of people simply don’t understand why I don’t like the boy in blue. Here’s twenty retarded covers to Superman comics to help explain my aversion.
Superman No. 2
News Anchor: “Tonight’s Top Story: Lex Luthor, the richest super villain on earth, has deduced Superman’s identity using only Microsoft Paint. In other news: writers and editors of DC Comics were found bludgeoned to death outside of their corporate headquarters.”
Superman No. 13
Superman: Cause fuck you boat, that’s why.
Superman No. 293
For no reason what so ever, Superman is an unmitigated dick.
Superman No. 187
Superman: Mountain Fucker.
Superman No. 29
Lois Lane: Whore.
Superman No. 62
After years of solitude, with nothing but hard core pornography to keep him company, Superman now requires a little more than the old pinch and tickle to become sexually aroused.
Superman No. 281
Why in the fuck is Superman fighting Sean Connery?
Added to the list of things I wish I could un-see: Sean Connery’s Cock Bulge.
Superman No. 283
Superman’s true secret identity: King Douche
Superman No. 18
Superman prepares to bring his giant red crotch bulge to…look I’m sorry, the only thing I think is “COCK MISSILE AWAY!”
Superman No. 3
Part One of the “Awkward Shit superman Does with Children” story arc.
Superman No. 33
Part Two: More strange feelings about the kiddies.
Superman No. 192
Part Three: No matter how much you cover your eyes Lois, it’s still going to happen.
Superman No. 52
Part Four: The Lonely Runaway.
“Think I’ll just go for a flight in the desert all by my…why hello there, young, alone and desperate.”
Superman No. 172
Part Five: Your Sex is on FIRE
Superman No. 257
Rounding out the six part saga: “Where no one will find the bodies”
Man Of Steel No. 16
The Crisis at Hand: Where Lois learns her God Damned place.
Superman No. 25
Why do you make me do these things Lois?
Superman No. 36
“Lois I don’t really know how to tell you this but, A woman’s place is in the kitchen.”
“Superman that’s very misogynistic of you t….”
“MAKE MY FUCKING BREAKFAST.”
Superman No. 51
Lois Lane: Terrible cook or passive/aggressive vindictive bitch?
Superman No. 613
DC comics: We don’t give a shit if you like it or not, just give us your cash or we’ll come to your house and rape your pets.
Inspired by the friendly folks at Cracked.com who did the same thing to my favorite caped crusader.