An open letter to my high-school guidance counselor…

Dear Mr. Sampson-

Throughout the years of my tenure in high school you were there for me. You guided me through all of the bad times, and patted me on the back during the good times. You gave me the ability to choose whatever I wanted to be. Back then I didn’t know what that was, but you still stood beside me, encouraging me. At first I wanted to be a successful business man. Then I wanted to be a professional baseball player. Through all the indecisions, no matter how insane, you were there. Well, Mr. Sampson, I think that I am going to finally make you proud. It’s taken a lot of soul searching on my part, and a lot of really hard work, but I’ve finally discovered what I am good at, and what my career will be. I will be the next great white rapper, and they will call me MAN-AZE !


Now I know what you’re thinking, why would a white kid from the burbs think he knows anything about being ‘street’? What kind of torment has this kid really suffered other than not being able to borrow the SUV on the weekends to go out with his cheerleader girlfriend? Life wasn’t always easy for me Mr. Sampson. By the time I met you I was starting to reform, i was trying to make good on life, but all I was really doing was ignoring who I am really am. Deep down inside of me is the rhythm. My heart beats and every time I hear it all I wanna do is flow. Do you understand? It’s within in me, like my soul, all I wanna do is share my soul with the world in the only way that I know how: by spittin’ mad verse on stage.

But skill aint the only thing that’s going to get me through, Mr. Sampson, I have a gimmick, a good gimmick, a great gimmick. Eminem is always so angry and mean and hateful, and vanilla ice was all about sex and rippin’ off other people’s music, and snow, well, that man could talk faster than any crack addict I have ever seen, but me, I will astound them all. I bring forth a new era in rap, that of the Poopie Rhyme .

I’ll give you a sample:
for you I have a special treat
all my poopie you will eat.

If that didn’t convince you:
I love you, and you hate me
you will eat all my poopie

Mr. Sampson, if I could only explain to you how alive this makes me feel inside. I know I gots what it takes, I just know it. I can feel it in my bones.

So far I haven’t played any shows, I’ve just been writing beats and lyrics at home in the garage. I’ll go out there late at night when my mom is asleep and I’ll just flow for what feels like forever. I keep a tape recorder out there so that I catch everything. It’s prolific. (that’s a good word, I could do something with that).

My rappin style is so specific
eat my poopie, it’s prolific.

Don’t you see Mr. Sampson? Look at what I can do. I’m gonna put a mix tape together and send it to the local hip hop station and see if I can battle rap against someone here in town. I’ll let you know when I play my first show. I’d really like it if you would be in the front row, because seeing you there would help me to realize that I am following my dream. Thank you so much Mr. Sampson, it’s only because of you that I made this completely life altering decision.

(but you can still call me Travis, I promise I won’t get a huge ego when i am filthy rich and stinking famous)

P.S. And just to prove my awesome skills, if you leave me a comment here, I will write a poopie rhyme just for you, so you can say you had one back in tha day.


There Are 6 Responses So Far. »

  1. hey “man-aze” i was just wondering why you make all your rhymes about poop…well next time add something about a poonami lol tahnks

  2. poopie is for fag

  3. this is a good one poopie

  4. Reminds me of my so-called guidance counselor who was a dumbass redneck slut who gossiped about everybody in school behind their backs. I don’t know what was worse, her crooked lisping face, or her misshapen buffalo butt.

  5. do you need a guitar signed by Metalica?

  6. I didn’t have Mr Sampson.
    I had that other chick. Fucking Worhtless, I think was her name.
    Then about 4 years after highschool, I ended up dining at the same table with Mr Sampson at Olive Garden cuz I was dating a girl who’s mother was dating Mr Sampson’s brother…

    Also, Adam Carolla(sp?) used to use MAN-AZE as his white rapper name back when people used to listen to love line. So you may need to buy the rights from him, or kick his ass or something, before you can put out any albums under that name.

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