A Special Valentines Day

Folks, Valentines Day is mere moments away and if you’re like the majority of people you’ve procrastinated right up until the last minute. Well fret not because Big Daddy T. – which is something I’ve taken to calling myself; probably because I’ve been watching scrubs too much and my inner monologue has gotten out of control – but never the less Big Daddy T. is here to help.

The first thing we have to understand is the different ways that each gender celebrates Valentines Day.
– Girls celebrate Valentines Day because they want their partner to know that they took the time out of their life to express their feelings. They buy gifts to show to their love and to make their special someone feel important and cared for.

– Guys celebrate Valentines Day for two reasons: Obligation and to get sex. I’d sugar coat it but people would call me a sell out.

Well if you’ve put off getting something special, and at this point even the shitty grocery store flowers are gone, here’s some Valentines Day cards that you can print out for your special someone; thanks to your friend here at howtokillpeople.com. In each image the front of the card is on top and the inside is on the bottom.

Fellas is there a special little something you’d like your chick to do in the bedroom? Well with the right words and the right sentiment let’s see if we can’t make that happen for you.

or there’s always.

Or maybe you’ve got a secret crush; someone you’ve had your eye on but you just don’t know how to express it. Here, I’ll help you out. This is the card that I’ve sent to Angelina Jolie every Valentines Day for the last ten years.

Maybe Valentines Day isn’t the greatest day for you. Maybe things have gone awry in your relationship and you’d like to use this day to let that former special someone know how you really feel.

If you’re a young guy and find yourself suddenly single here’s one that should help you cope. This one’s for The Dude.

Or perhaps you’ve been married for a while and things have gone south. Why should everyone continue to suffer…end it now and save everyone some money.

But girls don’t think that I’ve left you out of my V-D lovefest. You see we men understand that Valentines Day is completely for you and sometimes we think that we can get a little more bang for our buck, if you will. If your guy is like that; than this is probably the card for you.

See ladies, I’m here for you too. Of course there are some girls out there that society looks down upon and those ladies are very important to me. Yes, I’m talking about strippers. Strippers aren’t, contrary to popular opinion, just vapid whores. I happen to have a lot of respect for strippers and if you want an inside look at the life of a stripper take a look at Ryann Rain’s blog. So for the strippers who are reading this I want you to know that I understand that you end up dealing with some patrons who expect more from you than is acceptable… so this one’s for you.

Ladies we know that we’re difficult to deal with, especially when a relationship ends. If there’s a guy like that in your life go ahead and send him this card.

If you print out some of these cards and hand them out to your loved ones and co-workers you’ll have a year filled with love.

I can fell the love already. It feels just like a tazer to the left testicle.

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There Are 13 Responses So Far. »

  1. Haha – funny shit.

  2. Holy shit. I think you just kicked Valentine’s Day in the groin before punching it in the gut.

    Sorry to hear about The Dude. Maybe he’ll get some sympathy butt sex tonight from some drunk chick at a bar.

  3. All I caan say is thanks, man. You know I needed a laugh today. I just got into Mobile and despite the current situation, I’m heading straight to the fucking bar and 23 double vodkas. After all, I have an image to keep up;)

    smoke em if you got em.

  4. dude…your “I heart VD” icon thing made me luagh so hard…

  5. dude…once a year you crack me up.

  6. Ive said it before and I’ll say it again. Your’e SICK. You’ll be a millionare someday!

  7. Ok this is some funny shit. I’m going to print those out for next year. You going to start working on xmas ones?

  8. Rachel,

    I’ll have, eventually, Christmas Cards, Birthday Cards and a couple of others. If I can find a place to do it online I might sell ’em to hallmark.

  9. hahaha, i heart vd…very clever

  10. When’s the Mothers Day collection coming out?

  11. I just realized what a thoroughly stupid comment that was. I truly appologize.

  12. self realization is always the best

  13. Holy shit. I think you just kicked Valentine’s Day in the groin before punching it in the gut.

    Sorry to hear about The Dude. Maybe he’ll get some sympathy butt sex tonight from some drunk chick at a bar.

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