On The Naming Of Grandparents

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Naming your children is an undertaking that must be approached with both deference and an eye to the future. You want to give your children the opportunity to avoid any stigmas that you were labeled with due to your name, as a child, but at the same time give them a moniker that will allow them to grow and develop character. Your child’s name is literally the first gift and the first curse that you will ever bestow upon your offspring. But once you become a parent there is another name that must be poured over. It’s a naming consideration that requires that you delve deep into your past and dredge up every horribly embarrassing thing that your parents ever did to you. Because it’s time to hand out grandparent names.

Unlike nick names, grandparent names are something that your folks have the opportunity to give themselves. If given the opportunity to decide what the next generation was going to be calling me, you can rest assured that – though socially awkward as it might be – my grandchildren will be calling me something to the effect of Dr. Reginald Thunderfist or LaserEyes Johnson.

It is for reasons like this that I will never understand why, when it came time to handout grandparent names to my in-laws, that they made the decision they did.

Not too long after my son was born my wife and I sat down to dinner with her parents and the topic of names came up.

“So what do you want to be called?” My wife asked innocently enough.

My mother-in-law, apparently forgetting the dick joke proclevaties of her new son said, “We’ll just wait until the baby decides.”

“You do realize who I’m married to don’t you? You do know that this child is going to be greatly influenced by WHATEVER he thinks is funny don’t you?”

Naively she answered, “Travis wouldn’t do anything too bad.”

This is one of those statements that will go down in history as the epitome of understatements because before she could finish her thought I looked up from my dinner and said, “That’s it, you’re GODZILLA!”

“I’m here to see my grandson!”

Of course this was not as welcomed a joke as I thought it would be. I cajoled her for several weeks, mostly for my entertainment, and she fought the name every step of the way. Eventually she ended up accepting the title, though not in the way I expected, as she explained in this email that I got:

“I’m warming to Godzilla.Of course,your son won’t be up to a three-syllable name, so he’ll have to shorten it. The way I figure it, your son can call me Zilla and YOU can call me God.”

Not exactly the acquiescence that I was looking for; but every text and email I get from her is now signed with GZ; so I’m pretty sure I won that round.

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There Are 4 Responses So Far. »

  1. Thank goodness I just get to be “Auntie Becca.”
    Or, more likely, “Connor’s mommy.”
    Zilla and Granddude are the best. And then there’s Unca Dum Dum :)

  2. Godzilla is great (*especially* for a grandMOTHER), but you’ll just never ever ever ever ever beat Captain Gramps. I’m sorry.

    Molly with the Camera

  3. Becca. I’ll start making up names for friends close to the family after he understand the family structure. You’ll get yours.

    Molly. I’m pretty sure if I “SOMEHOW” have grandkids and they call me Dr. Reginald Thunderfist that it’s going to be up there with Captain Gramps. Not surpassing mind you but up there.

  4. Hah! That’s pretty funny…

    Another acceptable one would be to get him to yell “KAIJU!” whenever he sees her. 😀

    Let’s hope HTML posts work. 😀

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