Fuck Family Circus

This afternoon I decided I would experiment on myself and not in the choke yourself while masturbating and punching yourself in the mouth kind of way. After drinking coffee and soda all morning I bought one of those five hour energy shots and found myself halfway on the brink of a heart attack. But at the same time I found myself with super-meth-head type energy boost; the results of which are what you’re about to see. I’m sure something similar to this has been done before but fuck them it’s never been done by me.

Before we move on you have to understand something: I, like most comedians, comic artists, people with half a brain, HATE FAMILY CIRCUS and nothing brings me more satisfaction than sullying something pure and innocent and twisting it into a dysfunctional clusterfuck. For legal purposes all the characters of The Family Circus are the copyright of the guy who makes this retarded strip. I’m just the asshole who took his wholesome words out and put my own fucked up jokes in there. With the groundwork laid, here it is:

Yes I feel really dirty for having written that caption.


Sadly, I did not write this line. Thank you Dave Attel.

Feel free to go ahead and spread ’em around on the myspace and such….I could use the advertising.

Travis from : Sullying American institutions one anal-sex joke at a time.

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There Are 40 Responses So Far. »

  1. Dude, you’re soooooooo gonna get sued. hahahahah

  2. Holy shit. The new ones are fucking funny as hell too!

  3. These make me happy. You will now hold the title of “Minister of propaganda” in my new Utopia! But dude just when I think you can’t sink much lower, you go and fall off a cliff! God bless you sir!

  4. I’ve always thought that it was amazing how not a single Family Circus cartoon has never been even remotely funny.

    This totally makes up for it.

  5. LL – Nuh uh I said they were copyrighted by him. At this point it’s considered a parody because of that. Also I think the dude’s pushing somewhere near 100 years old.

    Erica – I live to entertain

    Das wunder kind – I will happily set at the right side of your thorne in the new world order.

    Captain – coming from you, that means a lot.

  6. Trav, I know we haven’t spoken in, like, ten years. But now I know why I have you as a friend on myspace. I’ve found that reading these while listening to the Gorilla Biscuits is like a little slice of heaven.

  7. You never cease to make me laugh. Where do you find these thoughts? Wait, we don’t want to know, but appreciate the talent.

  8. Bill Keane is probably rolling over in his grave. If he’s not dead he should be.

  9. oh, i shall spread to the net. these are classic!

  10. Great way to make shit, funny, because This is funny shit.

  11. You are so gonna burn for this…..see you there.

  12. And you say I have no soul…you’ll be right there burning next to me mother fucker!

  13. You totally ripped off “The Family Suckass”. It’s a little publication in Vancouver that’s been doing vulgar captions to the Family Circus for years. I like yours though. Twisted.

  14. Dude, you know you’re goin to hell, right?

  15. Doug – I know we haven’t spoken in a while but statements like these make me feel special.

    Heidi – you really don’t want to know where these things come from

    OWD – you are so very correct

    Mr. Bud – your advertising check is in the ‘mail’

    Funk – thank you sir

    ODI – I long ago surpassed the ‘resident of hell’ now I’m aiming for management.

    Lisa – no I will be a manager in hell…I won’t be with the lowly burnees. Thanks for killing my fish by the way.

    red – I had no idea but like I said I’m sure it’s been done before…just never by me.

    Dad – DUH!!!!!!!!

  16. Oh I am so plastering these on people’s myspace pages.

    Fucking hilarious.

  17. wow…. this completely defies all laws of decency. well done.

  18. i love you

  19. can I subscribe to your comic strip? Watch Trailer Park Boys The Movie.

  20. Google + 4am + post-pussy-getting + 2 fat joints = stumbling across the sweetest fucking website since blacksonblondes.com

    MAD PROPS.

  21. that wuz hilarious

  22. This is only part of what’s wrong with the world these days. These are not even funny.
    Childish comes to mind but not really…..
    Paul

  23. […] in the least. In fact, I think some of it is hilarious. Be sure to check out his remix of the Family Circus […]

  24. childish indeed. that is what makes satire work. And i do love how it points out the intelligents of those who don’t get it. darwin will have them for lunch.

    unfortunately, darwin is slow to catch up.

  25. Damn this shit is so funny and fucked up I want to put it on tshirts. Would you have a problem with that?

  26. TWO THUMBS UP….

    NOW, IF ONLY YOU COULD DO THAT WITH THE REST OF THE SORRY COMICS STRIPS I KEEP FINDING IN THE NEWPAPER!

  27. {the shit is so funny}…

    ..do it agian.. PLEASE

  28. this is incredibly fucking funny.

  29. Very entertaining. Cartoons are the best, anything is possible.

  30. Once I stop wetting my pants, you are totally in trouble.

  31. You are a freakin’ genius.

  32. FYI: Probably the biggest reason FC is far from funny?
    Bil Keane has NO kids. He’s never even been married!
    Maybe when he finally croaks, they’ll replace FC with a cartoon about a poor black family living in the ghetto…… written by one of the Kennedeys.
    And who the fuck spells Bill with one L?

  33. Dark and obscene. Nice.

    This site is going to get mad traffic in the next few days.

    Sorry to hear about your troubles with Herr Commandante.

    Some smart dude once said, “Fuck’em if they can’t take a joke!”

  34. Some how this is how I imagined how family circus should have been. I might have read it then

  35. This is better than CORN! Fuck!

  36. Wow, what a nice job of complete plagarism. I know because I wrote some of those. Give credit where credit is due.

  37. Ashley,
    If you show me where and when you posted these online and I’ll be more than happy to give you creidt.

  38. […] Fuck Family Circus : Whiskey For Breakfast __________________ Quote: […]

  39. These are in the spirit of the great parody the Dysfunctional Family Circus. Well done for making fun of that bland, wholesome, clueless group of melonheads. Good work–keep it up!!!!

  40. Outstanding and just plain satisfying. Good way to cut thru that crappy corny-wholesome fluff. Besides, I always thought that damn brat Jeffy needed a good beating.

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